Becoming a mother opens you up to a world of judgment you never actually realized existed out there. Suddenly, there are a whole plethora of things that you do or like or participate in that are up for debate by anyone and everyone around you, regardless of your interest in others' opinions. Perfect strangers avail you of their opinion and its...annoying to say the least. Your parenting choices are the actions or decisions that are most frequently questioned and if you're not careful, you'll start questioning them yourself.
Yesterday, an old friend messaged me on Facebook. I haven't spoken to this "friend" since we were in school. I barely know him to the point that he might as well be a perfect stranger. This person has no children yet so that's what makes our conversation particularly interesting. So we get to chatting about miscellaneous things like what my husband does, what this friend does for work, and finally the conversation comes around to what I occupy my days with. I went on to explain to him that I chose to stay at home with my son after having him. I returned to work for about 6 months but ultimately decided that I wanted to be home with my son while I could. I am lucky that my husband has a job that affords us this lifestyle and he was very supportive of me quitting my job to stay home full time. I am HAPPY staying at home and I feel fulfilled by what I do. So here's the kicker...
This person says to me, "But I remember you being so smart. Make sure you do go back to work, a mind is a terrible thing to waste."
Uhm, what? I can only use my mind while working outside the home? My job is physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing. I work very, very, very hard every day, just like someone who works outside the home. Please, do me a favor - if you're a parent that works outside the home, pat yourself on the back. Now, if you're a parent who stays home with a child, or children, pat yourself on the back. WE ALL WORK HARD.
And to the person who thinks I can't be fulfilled while chasing around my 18 month old: screw you, sir.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Staying just a few more minutes...
My son is a terrible sleeper. As in...one of the worst sleeping children on record. He always has been a poor sleeper and while his patterns have changed over these 17 and a half months, the overall sleep in general still, well, sucks. There's just no other way to describe it.
We recently had to change his crib to a toddler bed. Oh, my husband and I wanted to wait. We wanted to push it out as long as possible. For one, no one likes seeing their baby grow up, and two, who wants a mobile toddler in the middle of the night? A sheer inevitability in our house, by the way, considering he's slept through the night less than 10 times in 17 months. Our only saving grace so far is that he can't open doors - so at least he's confined to his bedroom when he wakes up. Anyway, we had to change his bed because - you guessed it! He climbed right the hell out of his bed and I found him by his bedroom door one morning, beaming at me, ever so proud of his accomplishment. I have to say, I was a grab bag of emotions in that moment: proud that he figured it out and didn't hurt himself, terrified because I knew that it meant changing his bed, and sad that my baby was so much less of a baby all of the sudden. Literally, overnight.
So this brings me to my next big hurdle - sleep training. Lots of parents do it and swear by it. I'm sure, in fact, that most parents do it. We tried when my son was about 9 months old and failed...miserably. I am the worst when he starts crying. Unless he's throwing a fit, I give in every. single. time. Especially those pathetic night time, "Please don't leave me" cries. Ugh, like a freaking rusty knife through my heart. But here we were, toddler bed, 17 month old waking countless times a night, needing myself or my husband to sit by his bed for long periods of time, sometimes HOURS for him to fall back asleep. I decided one night earlier this week that I'd had enough. It was time to take control! Babies don't run houses, moms and dads do, amirite???
Wrong. Terribly, completely, incomprehensibly WRONG. My toddler runs this house, at least at night. I lasted 5 minutes, folks. A whole 300 seconds.
The method we were trying is a great method, in theory and probably in practice for parents who are more determined. We put him to bed, hugs and kisses, said goodnight, and left the room. Cue meltdown. We continued to return to his room without saying anything and simply placed him back in bed. He rapidly understood to stay in bed, only...he laid there, sobbing. After this entire process start to finish, at the culmination of these incredibly challenging 300 seconds, I decided something. My son is a terrible sleeper. Not news you say? Well, true. But in re-realizing (did I make that up?) that he is a terrible sleeper, I regained the strength I needed to sit by his bed while he falls asleep. Why? Because one day, in a day near or more likely far, he won't need me to sit by his bed anymore. He won't request mine or his father's presence in the middle of the night anymore. He won't even wake up in the middle of the night anymore. He will sleep right through and I'll go an entire 12 hours without seeing his face.
In this moment of realization, I put my big girl/mom panties on and went into his bedroom to calm his cries. I laid down in that uncomfortable ass teeny tiny bed he has and stroked his hair. I wiped the tears from his face and apologized to him. I apologized for not being strong enough in my convictions as his mother to do what I promised to do when he was born - which was to avoid any sleep training or night crying. I cried into his hair and told him that I loved him and made a vow to never, ever let that happen again. Each night since, I've stayed until he's fallen asleep. I pat his back or hum him a lullaby, or just sit there...but I stay until he is completely asleep. When he wakes in the middle of the night, daddy takes over and sits with him (last night for 2 hours) until he falls back asleep. It can still be frustrating. My husband and I are exhausted and we're expecting our second son in just a few weeks but we keep on. Not because its the right thing for everyone and every child, but because its the right thing for *our* child. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never do things the way other parents do because I'm not parenting their children, I'm parenting mine. We all tweak things to work for our own families...which makes us all great parents in our own right.
Tonight, I heard the marked sigh of my son slipping from consciousness and into slumber. I felt his breathing slow and his body relax as he fell into a deep sleep. Usually this is my cue to peel my big, pregnant butt off the floor and return to the living room to clean up from our day but tonight - tonight I just sat there with my hand on his back and listened to him breathe. I stayed for probably 10 minutes after he fell asleep. Why?
Because one day, he won't want me to anymore. I love you, my sweet son.
We recently had to change his crib to a toddler bed. Oh, my husband and I wanted to wait. We wanted to push it out as long as possible. For one, no one likes seeing their baby grow up, and two, who wants a mobile toddler in the middle of the night? A sheer inevitability in our house, by the way, considering he's slept through the night less than 10 times in 17 months. Our only saving grace so far is that he can't open doors - so at least he's confined to his bedroom when he wakes up. Anyway, we had to change his bed because - you guessed it! He climbed right the hell out of his bed and I found him by his bedroom door one morning, beaming at me, ever so proud of his accomplishment. I have to say, I was a grab bag of emotions in that moment: proud that he figured it out and didn't hurt himself, terrified because I knew that it meant changing his bed, and sad that my baby was so much less of a baby all of the sudden. Literally, overnight.
So this brings me to my next big hurdle - sleep training. Lots of parents do it and swear by it. I'm sure, in fact, that most parents do it. We tried when my son was about 9 months old and failed...miserably. I am the worst when he starts crying. Unless he's throwing a fit, I give in every. single. time. Especially those pathetic night time, "Please don't leave me" cries. Ugh, like a freaking rusty knife through my heart. But here we were, toddler bed, 17 month old waking countless times a night, needing myself or my husband to sit by his bed for long periods of time, sometimes HOURS for him to fall back asleep. I decided one night earlier this week that I'd had enough. It was time to take control! Babies don't run houses, moms and dads do, amirite???
Wrong. Terribly, completely, incomprehensibly WRONG. My toddler runs this house, at least at night. I lasted 5 minutes, folks. A whole 300 seconds.
The method we were trying is a great method, in theory and probably in practice for parents who are more determined. We put him to bed, hugs and kisses, said goodnight, and left the room. Cue meltdown. We continued to return to his room without saying anything and simply placed him back in bed. He rapidly understood to stay in bed, only...he laid there, sobbing. After this entire process start to finish, at the culmination of these incredibly challenging 300 seconds, I decided something. My son is a terrible sleeper. Not news you say? Well, true. But in re-realizing (did I make that up?) that he is a terrible sleeper, I regained the strength I needed to sit by his bed while he falls asleep. Why? Because one day, in a day near or more likely far, he won't need me to sit by his bed anymore. He won't request mine or his father's presence in the middle of the night anymore. He won't even wake up in the middle of the night anymore. He will sleep right through and I'll go an entire 12 hours without seeing his face.
In this moment of realization, I put my big girl/mom panties on and went into his bedroom to calm his cries. I laid down in that uncomfortable ass teeny tiny bed he has and stroked his hair. I wiped the tears from his face and apologized to him. I apologized for not being strong enough in my convictions as his mother to do what I promised to do when he was born - which was to avoid any sleep training or night crying. I cried into his hair and told him that I loved him and made a vow to never, ever let that happen again. Each night since, I've stayed until he's fallen asleep. I pat his back or hum him a lullaby, or just sit there...but I stay until he is completely asleep. When he wakes in the middle of the night, daddy takes over and sits with him (last night for 2 hours) until he falls back asleep. It can still be frustrating. My husband and I are exhausted and we're expecting our second son in just a few weeks but we keep on. Not because its the right thing for everyone and every child, but because its the right thing for *our* child. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never do things the way other parents do because I'm not parenting their children, I'm parenting mine. We all tweak things to work for our own families...which makes us all great parents in our own right.
Tonight, I heard the marked sigh of my son slipping from consciousness and into slumber. I felt his breathing slow and his body relax as he fell into a deep sleep. Usually this is my cue to peel my big, pregnant butt off the floor and return to the living room to clean up from our day but tonight - tonight I just sat there with my hand on his back and listened to him breathe. I stayed for probably 10 minutes after he fell asleep. Why?
Because one day, he won't want me to anymore. I love you, my sweet son.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
My heart keeps growing.
Last night I was laying in bed waiting for The Little to wake. I knew he was going to because, well, he always does when I first lay down to try to go to sleep. That's how we roll. I was already feeling frustrated due to lack of sleep for the past...9 months, due to always feeling on the go, due to knowing what every single night with my sweet son has in store. I have actually started dreading night time because we always wind up in the same place - he wakes up a million times and usually once a night *needs* to wake up and get up for about an hour or so before returning to sleep. Needless to say, my husband and I are definitely burning the candle at both ends. We are both tired, exhausted right to our very cores. I find myself getting frustrated with being frustrated with my baby because in my heart of hearts, I know he doesn't do this night time song and dance with us out of malice. Nevertheless, night time is when I feel the most vulnerable, like the worst parent, and like a flat out failure. In the quiet dark of our bedroom, my husband and I rock and "shhh" and practically beg our sweet baby to go back to sleep. And that's when I've shed the most tears since I began the journey of motherhood 9 short months ago. Sometimes they fall silently, while others are spent telling the Little that I'll give him anything, ANYTHING if he will just let Mama get some uninterrupted sleep.
This thought occurred to me last night during the last few silent moments before he started to stir. An epiphany of sorts. Knowing love for your child, and being a good parent to your child is thinking to yourself, "I'll try harder tomorrow" each night before you collapse into bed. Being a mother to my son is the hardest, most challenging, but most beautiful and rewarding blessing of my life. I am lucky to know him, lucky to have the chance to teach him, and lucky to be able to beg him to slip back into a calm slumber. He has left a mark on my heart with his tiny fingers. He is the only creature I miss when he finally does sleep. Sometimes I pick him up when he is napping during the day so that I can snuggle him and smell his hair. When we play during the day, I take time to remember what all of his features look like so that I will never forget that moment in time once its long gone. I kiss his fingers and his toes. And sometimes even during the day, the tears fall but for very different reasons. I weep because my heart is so full of love for this baby that my husband and I created is so big and so strong that I cannot bear to keep it inside. I weep because my husband is such an amazing father. I weep because our Maker allowed me (can you believe it?) to care for this tiny little creature. I'm crying now because I can't adequately express the love I have for him.
So he won't sleep again tonight. We will probably be up at least 4 times. A 3 AM party is likely imminent. And I will get frustrated that he won't sleep, knowing I won't be able to see straight the next day. But I will try harder tomorrow and I will be his best Mama possible because I love him so much.
Peace and blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
This thought occurred to me last night during the last few silent moments before he started to stir. An epiphany of sorts. Knowing love for your child, and being a good parent to your child is thinking to yourself, "I'll try harder tomorrow" each night before you collapse into bed. Being a mother to my son is the hardest, most challenging, but most beautiful and rewarding blessing of my life. I am lucky to know him, lucky to have the chance to teach him, and lucky to be able to beg him to slip back into a calm slumber. He has left a mark on my heart with his tiny fingers. He is the only creature I miss when he finally does sleep. Sometimes I pick him up when he is napping during the day so that I can snuggle him and smell his hair. When we play during the day, I take time to remember what all of his features look like so that I will never forget that moment in time once its long gone. I kiss his fingers and his toes. And sometimes even during the day, the tears fall but for very different reasons. I weep because my heart is so full of love for this baby that my husband and I created is so big and so strong that I cannot bear to keep it inside. I weep because my husband is such an amazing father. I weep because our Maker allowed me (can you believe it?) to care for this tiny little creature. I'm crying now because I can't adequately express the love I have for him.
So he won't sleep again tonight. We will probably be up at least 4 times. A 3 AM party is likely imminent. And I will get frustrated that he won't sleep, knowing I won't be able to see straight the next day. But I will try harder tomorrow and I will be his best Mama possible because I love him so much.
Peace and blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
10 reasons why being a mom is the best job I never got paid for.
There are obviously more than 10 reasons why I love being a mom. But at some point I would just be rambling and you would be bored and might never read my blog again. And we can't have that, now can we?
Being a mother has changed me in so many aspects. Some are good, some are funny, sometimes I feel like I'm disappearing into the rabbit hole. But hey, you came here for a list of 10 things I LURVE about being a mama, so let's get crackin' on a countdown.
10. There is a tiny human that has 1/2 of my DNA running around in the world. Crawling, running, whatever. The point is, he has ever refining gross motor skills that propel him about.
9. One day there was nothing in my uterus, the next day he BEGAN. He kept growing and lived INSIDE MY BODY, dude. I grew him, that's whack.
8. He is just as handsome as his Daddy, just like I hoped.
7. When I go places, people "ooh" and "ahh" over how cute he is. It helps to remind me that even though he grates my nerves at 2am, at least he has some redeeming qualities. Like his aesthetics.
6. This kid is F-U-N-N-Y. Comic relief any time I need it. TYVM, universe.
5. My heart feels like its going to explode every day with love. And then little love seeds will get planted every where and solve world hunger n' shit.
4. I get to be part of the incredible duo of parents who teach another human about life. I will be there the first time he does so many things for the first time. Can you imagine what it must feel like to feel sand under your feet for the VERY FIRST TIME? *I* got to be there for that.
3. His skin is soft and he likes to hold my hand.
2. He has the best laugh.
1. I have a legacy. Someone to give better to than what I had, someone to pass my morals on to, someone who could possibly change the world.
Thanks for reading my sap-happy list of things. Most of these things other people wouldn't understand but maybe if you're a mama too, you get it. Thanks for reading.
Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
Being a mother has changed me in so many aspects. Some are good, some are funny, sometimes I feel like I'm disappearing into the rabbit hole. But hey, you came here for a list of 10 things I LURVE about being a mama, so let's get crackin' on a countdown.
10. There is a tiny human that has 1/2 of my DNA running around in the world. Crawling, running, whatever. The point is, he has ever refining gross motor skills that propel him about.
9. One day there was nothing in my uterus, the next day he BEGAN. He kept growing and lived INSIDE MY BODY, dude. I grew him, that's whack.
8. He is just as handsome as his Daddy, just like I hoped.
7. When I go places, people "ooh" and "ahh" over how cute he is. It helps to remind me that even though he grates my nerves at 2am, at least he has some redeeming qualities. Like his aesthetics.
6. This kid is F-U-N-N-Y. Comic relief any time I need it. TYVM, universe.
5. My heart feels like its going to explode every day with love. And then little love seeds will get planted every where and solve world hunger n' shit.
4. I get to be part of the incredible duo of parents who teach another human about life. I will be there the first time he does so many things for the first time. Can you imagine what it must feel like to feel sand under your feet for the VERY FIRST TIME? *I* got to be there for that.
3. His skin is soft and he likes to hold my hand.
2. He has the best laugh.
1. I have a legacy. Someone to give better to than what I had, someone to pass my morals on to, someone who could possibly change the world.
Thanks for reading my sap-happy list of things. Most of these things other people wouldn't understand but maybe if you're a mama too, you get it. Thanks for reading.
Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Some advice about unsolicited advice...
For the women out there that are not yet parents or about to become parents - here's a blog for you.
Becoming a mother is the most joyous and perhaps most frustrating thing you will ever encounter. Forget the struggles with breastfeeding, the sleepless nights, the poopy diapers. I'm going further than that. I'm talking about the psychology of parenthood. From the moment you get that positive result on the Pee Stick, you want to shout it from the rooftops that you are entering this new, hallowed phase of life. You want to tell everyone you know that you are expecting your first bundle of joy. And as a FTM, you probably do immediately start announcing it. I did. Hell, I took the test at 6:00am on a Saturday morning and by 7:30am, I had already spilled the beans to a coworker. I was only 5.5 weeks along at the time - I wound up being pregnant for 41 weeks. Do the math - That's 35.5 weeks of unsolicited advice, ladies.
Obviously, as a FTM, you are a noob; fresh meat, so to speak. You might have tons of questions, that's normal. You know what else is "normal"? Having a perfect stranger walk up to you in the baby section at Target, look from your belly to the registry scanner you're holding, and then to the item that you're scanning and say,
"Oh honey, is this your first? I didn't get anything like that with my babies, you don't need that."
Oh yeah! And it only gets worse. People say,
"You know your life is going to change drastically. Be prepared to never sleep again."
Oh thank you so much, person who's opinion I did not ask for. Thanks for being such a ray of freakin' sunshine. Thank you for telling me something I couldn't have concluded on my own. The thing is, they don't mean it. They can't help it in fact. How do I know this? I have a few friends who are pregnant with their first babies and I have to actually tell myself to mind my own business when they post a status about being pregnant. Try to be patient while the solicitor blabs on about how their babies "blah blah blah".
Then there are the solicitors who know it alllllllll. They've done it all, they've seen it all, and they are obviously the super mom you can only aspire to be. They had the babies that slept through the night the day they were born, the babies that never cried, the babies came walking out of their mother's vagina with a PhD...I digress. I'm going to let you in on a secret - all babies are individuals. *Gasp* That means they will all do things differently! So if yours is say...8 months old and still waking up 839475834958349 times a night (I might be referring to my own here) or 7.5 months old and not pulling themselves up on the furniture or 6 months old and not quite sitting up on their own without weebling and wobbling, that's okay! They'll get there. It's not about the destination as much as the journey. Let them be babies, they really do grow up so fast.
Being a mother should be downright delightful time of your life. Don't let someone take that away from you by making you feel inferior. There is a little thing called instinct, ya know. Before baby books, before Facebook, before you could Google things until you were convinced you were dying, there was a mother's instinct. Don't read the books and take them as gospel. Don't let your mama friends advice be the end all, be all. Take in as much information as you can during your pregnancy, filter through it, sprinkle in a touch of instinct, and be the best damn mama you can. I promise if you just trust yourself, you child will be happy, healthy, and know love.
And by the way, congratulations, dear. This truly will be the most exciting time of your life.
Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
Monday, March 18, 2013
How does this go?
First blog post! Holla!
My hope is that you'll find me as funny as I think I am and that this blog will enrich your lives. We'll see.
Disclaimer: this is my first time blogging, unless you count status updates on Facebook 3x a day about my kiddo. If you don't think its funny, don't read it. Let me live blissfully unaware of how unfunny you think I am.
Heeeeeere we go!
That moment when your life becomes so pathetically hilarious that you must share it with the world. Yeah, that's finally happened to me. Being a mom is funny. There, I said it. Now everyone will want to share in the comedy of Club Motherhood.
This morning was quite an adventure - The Little smeared poop on my side of the bed. Its a queen sized bed...how come my side gets the poop? He just loves me that much plus he knows how much Dad hates poop. Trying to put a diaper on his these days is like trying to diaper a feral cat. He flails around more when there is poop involved, lucky me. Picture him, on the bed mid diaper change and me hollering, "Stop it, son! You're getting crap all over the bed!" Now I 'get' to wash the sheets. My sweet son knew mommy was getting bored with eating Bon Bons and watching Days of Our Lives, so he gave me something to do. So off of here I go to get the skid marks off the linens.
Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
My hope is that you'll find me as funny as I think I am and that this blog will enrich your lives. We'll see.
Disclaimer: this is my first time blogging, unless you count status updates on Facebook 3x a day about my kiddo. If you don't think its funny, don't read it. Let me live blissfully unaware of how unfunny you think I am.
Heeeeeere we go!
That moment when your life becomes so pathetically hilarious that you must share it with the world. Yeah, that's finally happened to me. Being a mom is funny. There, I said it. Now everyone will want to share in the comedy of Club Motherhood.
This morning was quite an adventure - The Little smeared poop on my side of the bed. Its a queen sized bed...how come my side gets the poop? He just loves me that much plus he knows how much Dad hates poop. Trying to put a diaper on his these days is like trying to diaper a feral cat. He flails around more when there is poop involved, lucky me. Picture him, on the bed mid diaper change and me hollering, "Stop it, son! You're getting crap all over the bed!" Now I 'get' to wash the sheets. My sweet son knew mommy was getting bored with eating Bon Bons and watching Days of Our Lives, so he gave me something to do. So off of here I go to get the skid marks off the linens.
Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama
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