10 reasons why being a mom is the best job I never got paid for.

There are obviously more than 10 reasons why I love being a mom. But at some point I would just be rambling and you would be bored and might never read my blog again. And we can't have that, now can we?

Being a mother has changed me in so many aspects. Some are good, some are funny, sometimes I feel like I'm disappearing into the rabbit hole. But hey, you came here for a list of 10 things I LURVE about being a mama, so let's get crackin' on a countdown.

10. There is a tiny human that has 1/2 of my DNA running around in the world. Crawling, running, whatever. The point is, he has ever refining gross motor skills that propel him about.

9. One day there was nothing in my uterus, the next day he BEGAN. He kept growing and lived INSIDE MY BODY, dude. I grew him, that's whack.

8. He is just as handsome as his Daddy, just like I hoped.

7. When I go places, people "ooh" and "ahh" over how cute he is. It helps to remind me that even though he grates my nerves at 2am, at least he has some redeeming qualities. Like his aesthetics.

6. This kid is F-U-N-N-Y. Comic relief any time I need it. TYVM, universe.

5. My heart feels like its going to explode every day with love. And then little love seeds will get planted every where and solve world hunger n' shit.

4. I get to be part of the incredible duo of parents who teach another human about life. I will be there the first time he does so many things for the first time. Can you imagine what it must feel like to feel sand under your feet for the VERY FIRST TIME? *I* got to be there for that.

3. His skin is soft and he likes to hold my hand.

2. He has the best laugh.

1. I have a legacy. Someone to give better to than what I had, someone to pass my morals on to, someone who could possibly change the world.

Thanks for reading my sap-happy list of things. Most of these things other people wouldn't understand but maybe if you're a mama too, you get it. Thanks for reading.

Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama

Some advice about unsolicited advice...

For the women out there that are not yet parents or about to become parents - here's a blog for you.

Becoming a mother is the most joyous and perhaps most frustrating thing you will ever encounter. Forget the struggles with breastfeeding, the sleepless nights, the poopy diapers. I'm going further than that. I'm talking about the psychology of parenthood. From the moment you get that positive result on the Pee Stick, you want to shout it from the rooftops that you are entering this new, hallowed phase of life. You want to tell everyone you know that you are expecting your first bundle of joy. And as a FTM, you probably do immediately start announcing it. I did. Hell, I took the test at 6:00am on a Saturday morning and by 7:30am, I had already spilled the beans to a coworker. I was only 5.5 weeks along at the time - I wound up being pregnant for 41 weeks. Do the math - That's 35.5 weeks of unsolicited advice, ladies. 

Obviously, as a FTM, you are a noob; fresh meat, so to speak. You might have tons of questions, that's normal. You know what else is "normal"? Having a perfect stranger walk up to you in the baby section at Target, look from your belly to the registry scanner you're holding, and then to the item that you're scanning and say, 

"Oh honey, is this your first? I didn't get anything like that with my babies, you don't need that."

Oh yeah! And it only gets worse. People say, 

"You know your life is going to change drastically. Be prepared to never sleep again." 

Oh thank you so much, person who's opinion I did not ask for. Thanks for being such a ray of freakin' sunshine. Thank you for telling me something I couldn't have concluded on my own. The thing is, they don't mean it. They can't help it in fact. How do I know this? I have a few friends who are pregnant with their first babies and I have to actually tell myself to mind my own business when they post a status about being pregnant. Try to be patient while the solicitor blabs on about how their babies "blah blah blah".

Then there are the solicitors who know it alllllllll. They've done it all, they've seen it all, and they are obviously the super mom you can only aspire to be. They had the babies that slept through the night the day they were born, the babies that never cried, the babies came walking out of their mother's vagina with a PhD...I digress.    I'm going to let you in on a secret - all babies are individuals. *Gasp* That means they will all do things differently! So if yours is say...8 months old and still waking up 839475834958349 times a night (I might be referring to my own here) or 7.5 months old and not pulling themselves up on the furniture or 6 months old and not quite sitting up on their own without weebling and wobbling, that's okay! They'll get there. It's not about the destination as much as the journey. Let them be babies, they really do grow up so fast.

Being a mother should be downright delightful time of your life. Don't let someone take that away from you by making you feel inferior. There is a little thing called instinct, ya know. Before baby books, before Facebook, before you could Google things until you were convinced you were dying, there was a mother's instinct. Don't read the books and take them as gospel. Don't let your mama friends advice be the end all, be all. Take in as much information as you can during your pregnancy, filter through it, sprinkle in a touch of instinct, and be the best damn mama you can. I promise if you just trust yourself, you child will be happy, healthy, and know love. 

And by the way, congratulations, dear. This truly will be the most exciting time of your life. 

Peace and Blessings, 

Smart Mouthed Mama

How does this go?

First blog post! Holla!

My hope is that you'll find me as funny as I think I am and that this blog will enrich your lives. We'll see.

Disclaimer: this is my first time blogging, unless you count status updates on Facebook 3x a day about my kiddo. If you don't think its funny, don't read it. Let me live blissfully unaware of how unfunny you think I am.
Heeeeeere we go!


That moment when your life becomes so pathetically hilarious that you must share it with the world. Yeah, that's finally happened to me. Being a mom is funny. There, I said it. Now everyone will want to share in the comedy of Club Motherhood.

This morning was quite an adventure - The Little smeared poop on my side of the bed. Its a queen sized bed...how come my side gets the poop? He just loves me that much plus he knows how much Dad hates poop. Trying to put a diaper on his these days is like trying to diaper a feral cat. He flails around more when there is poop involved, lucky me. Picture him, on the bed mid diaper change and me hollering, "Stop it, son! You're getting crap all over the bed!" Now I 'get' to wash the sheets. My sweet son knew mommy was getting bored with eating Bon Bons and watching Days of Our Lives, so he gave me something to do. So off of here I go to get the skid marks off the linens.

Peace and Blessings,
Smart Mouthed Mama